We have been looking to purchase a new car recently.
The car is for Ms B, who currently drives a car that has given us many problems.
My focus has been to find a model of car which is both stylish and safe. We have a 7 year old child after all so safety is a priority.
Ms B however is more interested in a status symbol. She has argued that many of her friends drive a Benz, so why shouldn't she.
We visited a dealership that had one car that I was ineterested in, and one that Ms B was interested in.
My choice was a modestly priced but stylish looking car with ample safety features, including full curtain air-bags.
Ms B however insisted on a very expensive and luxurious sports car, which I believe was not appropriate for a family of four.
The salesperson was of Chinese heritage, and he would obviously have made more commission if he sold us the sportscar.
Well, sensing the tension between Ms B and myself over what style of car we should purchase, he began addressing my concerns over safety.
He said the following to me:
"We Chinese believe in fate. If you are destined to get hurt or killed in a car accident, then you cannot avoid this. This is your fate. Whatever car you choose will not change your fate, so why not choose the luxurious car and enjoy life."
Ms B immediately latched on to this comment and pushed for us to purchase the luxurious car there and then.
I told them both that I did not accept that line of thinking, and would not put my family in a car that was designed for speed. In particular I would not agree to placing our son in a car that was designed primarily for two people, with compromised back seating.
Ms B was very upset with me.
This belief in fate, which I am sure provides some form of relief for people who have experienced tragedy in their lives, was really not an appropriate way to view the purchase of an sportscar. In my way of thinking it was merely an excuse to be reckless in one's decision making.
Anyway, we ended up buying the modest model car, despite fierce resistance from Ms B and her mother. They even co-opted my son to argue for the sportscar.
However I felt it was sensible under the circumstances to purchase a family car, not a sports car, and I purchased a few extra safety features to boot.
To appease Ms B I also purchased some luxury additions for the car, including in-built GPS, in-built phone, window tinting, better stereo system, nicer wheels and a special paint job. In fact I was happy to purchase whatever luxurious features Ms B wanted, as long as the safety of the vehicle was not compromised.
Now to be fair, the car actually looks great, and could even pass for a very expensive label car.
But Ms B is still upset with me. You see she wanted to tell people that she owns a Mercedes Benz. It was not the car so much that she wanted but what it represented.
This emphasis on "labels" dogs us time and again. Both Ms B and her mother have an unrelenting desire to telegraph their status to the world by purchasing products that are for the most part no different than cheaper versions, but for their label.
It seems that even a pair of shoes cannot escape this kind of scrutiny.
Anyway after about a week of getting the silent treatment from Ms B, I sat her down last night and told her that it was her destiny to get a smart looking, stylish family car, and no amount of sulking will change this.
Hopefully we can leave this chapter behind now and move on with more important things in life.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Tuesday, December 08, 2009
Inter Racial Divorce
My wife and I have known an inter racial couple for many years.
Lets call them Don and Leung.
Don, the husband is of anglo heritage, is a professional and a high income earner. This was his second marriage.
He married Leung, a Chinese woman who was close to 20 years his junior. She did not work and apparently attended some college course.
Leung is attractive and very stylish, but I have always felt uncomfortable around her.
They met through some dating service that arranged get togethers between anglo men and chinese women.
When they decided to get married, they flew to China to get approval from Leung's father. Her father asked to see proof of Don's high salary, and only then gave his approval for the marriage to proceed. This emphasis on money was also very much a part of Leung's views on life. Everything revolved around money, and she made it clear that she would not have married Don if he did not make such a high salary.
After the honeymoon period, serious cracks started to appear in this marriage.
Firstly, Leung objected to Don financially supporting his two daughters from his previous marriage. She complained about this bitterly.
Secondly, she refused to allow Don to even see his daughters. Don eventually resorted to secret meetings with his daughters.
Not really what marriage is supposed to be like, is it?
Well, tensions grew in the household, and one day when Leung realised that Don had seen his daughters the previous day, she took a knife from the kitchen and lunged at him.
He had a large cut on his torso.
To top it off, she immediately called the police and alleged that he attempted to hit her.
The end result was that Don was evicted from his house. This was the house that he paid for exclusively, including all the household furniture, give that Leung only owned a car at the time.
This couple has now divorced.
As events unfolded, Leung claimed the bank account of the couple (circa $80,000), and fought bitterly over the house.
She eventually agreed to a 50% spilt on the value of the house, but kept all the furniture and the bank account. Don simply couldn't fight this any longer, and so agreed.
Interestingly, one week after separation, a new man moved in with Leung. He too was an older anglo male. They too are now separated and in legal conflict as well.
When I first met Leung, both Ms B and I agreed that she was a leech, a gold digger. We both approached Don separately and asked him to think through his marriage plans carefully, because leung was making some comments not in keeping with someone who was genuinely in love.
Don listened to know one, but simply wanted to tell us how he could't stop thinking about his lovely Leung.
I mention this because there seems to be a high divorce rate amongst inter racial couples in Australia, especially amongst the Anglo-Chinese variety.
And Don and Leung's situation is mild given what I have recently heard about another couple.
...more on that next.
Lets call them Don and Leung.
Don, the husband is of anglo heritage, is a professional and a high income earner. This was his second marriage.
He married Leung, a Chinese woman who was close to 20 years his junior. She did not work and apparently attended some college course.
Leung is attractive and very stylish, but I have always felt uncomfortable around her.
They met through some dating service that arranged get togethers between anglo men and chinese women.
When they decided to get married, they flew to China to get approval from Leung's father. Her father asked to see proof of Don's high salary, and only then gave his approval for the marriage to proceed. This emphasis on money was also very much a part of Leung's views on life. Everything revolved around money, and she made it clear that she would not have married Don if he did not make such a high salary.
After the honeymoon period, serious cracks started to appear in this marriage.
Firstly, Leung objected to Don financially supporting his two daughters from his previous marriage. She complained about this bitterly.
Secondly, she refused to allow Don to even see his daughters. Don eventually resorted to secret meetings with his daughters.
Not really what marriage is supposed to be like, is it?
Well, tensions grew in the household, and one day when Leung realised that Don had seen his daughters the previous day, she took a knife from the kitchen and lunged at him.
He had a large cut on his torso.
To top it off, she immediately called the police and alleged that he attempted to hit her.
The end result was that Don was evicted from his house. This was the house that he paid for exclusively, including all the household furniture, give that Leung only owned a car at the time.
This couple has now divorced.
As events unfolded, Leung claimed the bank account of the couple (circa $80,000), and fought bitterly over the house.
She eventually agreed to a 50% spilt on the value of the house, but kept all the furniture and the bank account. Don simply couldn't fight this any longer, and so agreed.
Interestingly, one week after separation, a new man moved in with Leung. He too was an older anglo male. They too are now separated and in legal conflict as well.
When I first met Leung, both Ms B and I agreed that she was a leech, a gold digger. We both approached Don separately and asked him to think through his marriage plans carefully, because leung was making some comments not in keeping with someone who was genuinely in love.
Don listened to know one, but simply wanted to tell us how he could't stop thinking about his lovely Leung.
I mention this because there seems to be a high divorce rate amongst inter racial couples in Australia, especially amongst the Anglo-Chinese variety.
And Don and Leung's situation is mild given what I have recently heard about another couple.
...more on that next.
Sunday, December 06, 2009
Jealousy & blondes
I recently got a new receptionist in my practice.
She is by all accounts a very attactive woman. She has long blonde hair, large baby blue eyes and very long legs.
Now this is not out of the ordinary in and of itself, but for the fact that this receptionist has been paying....well how can I put it...."special" attention to me. In fact, you could say that she has been overtly flirting.
I typically ignore this as when I am in the clinic, as my focus is purely on my patients. But clearly the other girls in the clinic have not.
It is obvious as a result that someone has called my wife, Ms B, and alerted her to the new receptionist's behaviour.
During our night out for our anniversary recently, Ms B asked me during dinner:
"Do you like blondes more and Asian women?"
I had yet to catch on to her concern, and so simply made a joke that blondes are more beautiful. Well, wasn't this a mistake!
Ms B then started giving me the third degree.
"Are you sleeping with the new receptionist, Sonja?"
"Are you bored of Chinese women?"
"Are you bored of me?"
"I always catch you looking at blonde women. Why?"
The irony is that I do not particularly like blonde women. Dark hair is my thing. In any case, all her concerns were baseless, but how do you comfort a jealous women?
Anyway, I tried my best, and after I made it clear that this was all in her mind, she started to calm down, but then she began insiting that I sack the receptionist.
I said "No", not unless she performs poorly in her work.
That night when we got home, Ms B went out of her way to make herself available to me. She even modelled the sexy lingerie I bought her, and she let me take pictures of her in lingerie.
It ended up being a nice evening, but I have no doubt that we will revisit the issue of the receptionist again soon.
She is by all accounts a very attactive woman. She has long blonde hair, large baby blue eyes and very long legs.
Now this is not out of the ordinary in and of itself, but for the fact that this receptionist has been paying....well how can I put it...."special" attention to me. In fact, you could say that she has been overtly flirting.
I typically ignore this as when I am in the clinic, as my focus is purely on my patients. But clearly the other girls in the clinic have not.
It is obvious as a result that someone has called my wife, Ms B, and alerted her to the new receptionist's behaviour.
During our night out for our anniversary recently, Ms B asked me during dinner:
"Do you like blondes more and Asian women?"
I had yet to catch on to her concern, and so simply made a joke that blondes are more beautiful. Well, wasn't this a mistake!
Ms B then started giving me the third degree.
"Are you sleeping with the new receptionist, Sonja?"
"Are you bored of Chinese women?"
"Are you bored of me?"
"I always catch you looking at blonde women. Why?"
The irony is that I do not particularly like blonde women. Dark hair is my thing. In any case, all her concerns were baseless, but how do you comfort a jealous women?
Anyway, I tried my best, and after I made it clear that this was all in her mind, she started to calm down, but then she began insiting that I sack the receptionist.
I said "No", not unless she performs poorly in her work.
That night when we got home, Ms B went out of her way to make herself available to me. She even modelled the sexy lingerie I bought her, and she let me take pictures of her in lingerie.
It ended up being a nice evening, but I have no doubt that we will revisit the issue of the receptionist again soon.
Saturday, December 05, 2009
Bedtime Clothing
Its our anniversary tonight.
I bought my wife a pair of sexy knickers, amongst the important practical things she always appreciates.
I used to always buy her sexy underwear before she got pregnant, and she would them on special ocassions, although at my insistence.
These ocassions occured mostly when my mother-in-law was out of town, visiting her other children, but she hasn't done this for a while.
I have to say, there is no more beautiful site than my wife wearing her sexy knickers at night.
What I would't give to see her just casually walking around the house, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and slim, silk black underwear.
Not really possible anymore given that we have a child, but hey, one can still dream can't they?
A few years ago Ms B let me take photos of her in her knickers. I will see if she is up to it again tonight.
I just bought her a new laptop and iphone as a gift, so maybe she will be in a grateful mood.
If so, well lucky me tonight.
I bought my wife a pair of sexy knickers, amongst the important practical things she always appreciates.
I used to always buy her sexy underwear before she got pregnant, and she would them on special ocassions, although at my insistence.
These ocassions occured mostly when my mother-in-law was out of town, visiting her other children, but she hasn't done this for a while.
I have to say, there is no more beautiful site than my wife wearing her sexy knickers at night.
What I would't give to see her just casually walking around the house, wearing nothing but a t-shirt and slim, silk black underwear.
Not really possible anymore given that we have a child, but hey, one can still dream can't they?
A few years ago Ms B let me take photos of her in her knickers. I will see if she is up to it again tonight.
I just bought her a new laptop and iphone as a gift, so maybe she will be in a grateful mood.
If so, well lucky me tonight.
Wednesday, December 02, 2009
Its a Sport thing
I realised early on in my relationship that Ms B had absolutely no interest in Sport.
She does not follow it, she does not play it, she simply has no interest in it.
I remember asking her to attend a Rugby league State of Origin game many years ago, and after reluctantly agreeing, she wanted to leave at half time, because it was "too loud." The fact that it was a remarkably exciting game escaped her. We did stay however and witnessed an amazing last minute victory by Queensland.
This evening I was looking forward to attending a boxing match between Australia's very own Danny Green, a great boxer who was the underdog, against a man who is widely regarded as the best boxer, pound for pound ever, Roy Jones Jr.
Well, try as I may to get some of Ms B's male Chinese acquaintances to tag along, it was a no go. I simply went with my mates and although it was a very short match, it was well worth it.
Danny Green beat Roy Jones Jnr inside the first round. Spectacular stuff!
While driving back home I called Ms B to let her know that I was on my way, and I just happened to mention that the Australian boxer, Danny Green, the man I (and most of Australia) was supporting, had won in spectacular style.
Ms B's response to me was: "Did you win any money?"
I said "No."
Then Ms B said, "So why do you care who won?"
Well, its just sport, and sometimes its just about enjoying the competition, but I guess this is a male thing, so I just told her that I should be home soon.
She does not follow it, she does not play it, she simply has no interest in it.
I remember asking her to attend a Rugby league State of Origin game many years ago, and after reluctantly agreeing, she wanted to leave at half time, because it was "too loud." The fact that it was a remarkably exciting game escaped her. We did stay however and witnessed an amazing last minute victory by Queensland.
This evening I was looking forward to attending a boxing match between Australia's very own Danny Green, a great boxer who was the underdog, against a man who is widely regarded as the best boxer, pound for pound ever, Roy Jones Jr.
Well, try as I may to get some of Ms B's male Chinese acquaintances to tag along, it was a no go. I simply went with my mates and although it was a very short match, it was well worth it.
Danny Green beat Roy Jones Jnr inside the first round. Spectacular stuff!
While driving back home I called Ms B to let her know that I was on my way, and I just happened to mention that the Australian boxer, Danny Green, the man I (and most of Australia) was supporting, had won in spectacular style.
Ms B's response to me was: "Did you win any money?"
I said "No."
Then Ms B said, "So why do you care who won?"
Well, its just sport, and sometimes its just about enjoying the competition, but I guess this is a male thing, so I just told her that I should be home soon.
Monday, November 30, 2009
Our Political views
Ms B and I have historically had polarised political views.
I have traditionally been a Coalition voter (conservative and to the right) , whereas Ms B would always vote for the Australian Labor Party (liberal and to the left).
From what I know the Chinese community in Australia had previously been staunch Coalition voters, but that was back in the day when most Australian Chinese originated from Hong Kong.
Since the influx of mainland Chinese, and in particular in response to the previous Prime Minister's (Bob Hawke) granting of visas in the wake of the Tianemen Square protests, Chinese have been more closely alligned with Labor.
This has been especially so since our current Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, who is from the Australian Labor Party, also speaks very fluent mandarin, and was ambassador to China for some time.
Well, today the political map in Australia had been turned upside down.
The Coalition did the unthinkable and rebelled against legislation for an Emmissions Trading Scheme. In essence, the Coalition dumped their moderate leader Malcolm Turnbull, they have refused to support any legislation to control carbon emmissions (to slow down global warming), and have voted in a new leader who is the most conservative, right-wing and most unpopular leader in living memory.
Now don't get me wrong, I am in fact a climate change sceptic, and I genuinely do not believe that the earth's temperature is rising due to CO2.
But I also realise that if I am wrong that the outcome could be catastrophic, so we do need an insurance policy.
So a scheme to reduce carbon emmissions is common sense.
Now I am faced with a new opposition leader that resembles a right-wing Facist rather than a leader that can unify a nation.
The new leader, Tony Abbott, articulates poorly, he has a very annoying stutter and his views are out-dated and not of this era.
So if we go to an election, I may very well be voting alongside Ms B, for the Australian Labor Party.
I would imagine that this would be the case for the majority of Australians.
I have traditionally been a Coalition voter (conservative and to the right) , whereas Ms B would always vote for the Australian Labor Party (liberal and to the left).
From what I know the Chinese community in Australia had previously been staunch Coalition voters, but that was back in the day when most Australian Chinese originated from Hong Kong.
Since the influx of mainland Chinese, and in particular in response to the previous Prime Minister's (Bob Hawke) granting of visas in the wake of the Tianemen Square protests, Chinese have been more closely alligned with Labor.
This has been especially so since our current Prime Minister, Kevin Rudd, who is from the Australian Labor Party, also speaks very fluent mandarin, and was ambassador to China for some time.
Well, today the political map in Australia had been turned upside down.
The Coalition did the unthinkable and rebelled against legislation for an Emmissions Trading Scheme. In essence, the Coalition dumped their moderate leader Malcolm Turnbull, they have refused to support any legislation to control carbon emmissions (to slow down global warming), and have voted in a new leader who is the most conservative, right-wing and most unpopular leader in living memory.
Now don't get me wrong, I am in fact a climate change sceptic, and I genuinely do not believe that the earth's temperature is rising due to CO2.
But I also realise that if I am wrong that the outcome could be catastrophic, so we do need an insurance policy.
So a scheme to reduce carbon emmissions is common sense.
Now I am faced with a new opposition leader that resembles a right-wing Facist rather than a leader that can unify a nation.
The new leader, Tony Abbott, articulates poorly, he has a very annoying stutter and his views are out-dated and not of this era.
So if we go to an election, I may very well be voting alongside Ms B, for the Australian Labor Party.
I would imagine that this would be the case for the majority of Australians.
Learning to speak Chinese
Yes, Chinese is a remarkably difficult language to learn.
I have not however attempted to formally learn Chinese at any point, but given that Mandarin is the principle language spoken in my home, it was innevitable that I would come to grips with it to some degree.
I am at a point now where I understand many words that I over-hear in conversations, and in some cases I can understand the complete gist of the conversation. I also have many Chinese patients and I even surprise myself sometimes as to the extent of what I understand, when they speak Manadrin in front of me.
But it still a remarkably difficult language, especially given that I don't "hear" many of the nuances of tone that is part and parcel of Chinese.
Just like many Chinese not being able to hear the letter "R", I too am tone deaf when it comes to many pronunciations in Chinese.
Recently I have been speaking more and more often to my son in Mandarin. This has been my playful way of practising my Chinese.
My son always corrects me, and laughs in the process.
Only yesterday he said: "Daddy, your Chinese is so funny.You have an English accent when you speak Chinese."
He would then try and help me to pronounce the word properly. He is such a cute little boy.
I have not however attempted to formally learn Chinese at any point, but given that Mandarin is the principle language spoken in my home, it was innevitable that I would come to grips with it to some degree.
I am at a point now where I understand many words that I over-hear in conversations, and in some cases I can understand the complete gist of the conversation. I also have many Chinese patients and I even surprise myself sometimes as to the extent of what I understand, when they speak Manadrin in front of me.
But it still a remarkably difficult language, especially given that I don't "hear" many of the nuances of tone that is part and parcel of Chinese.
Just like many Chinese not being able to hear the letter "R", I too am tone deaf when it comes to many pronunciations in Chinese.
Recently I have been speaking more and more often to my son in Mandarin. This has been my playful way of practising my Chinese.
My son always corrects me, and laughs in the process.
Only yesterday he said: "Daddy, your Chinese is so funny.You have an English accent when you speak Chinese."
He would then try and help me to pronounce the word properly. He is such a cute little boy.
Saturday, November 28, 2009
The shower heat lamp
One difference between me and my wife is how we feel the cold.
She showers in luke warm water, leaves all windows open at all times and often sleeps with no blanket.
I am the exact opposite, so much so that when I shower the water is very hot and when I leave the shower I typically have the heat lamp on.
Well this heat lamp has caused a lot of ruckus in the house because it apparently wastes too much electricity, according to my mother-in-law.
My wife and her mother believe that such a device is an undulgence that no normal human should use, and just installing it was a household battle.
So anyway, last night I am in the shower and as I get out to dry myself I turn on the heat lamp. Immediately I hear a nagging voice outside the shower, complaining in Chinese. It was my motherin-law not happy that I turned on the heat lamp.
So what does she do?
She opens the shower door, slips her hand in and switches off the heat lamp. Yes its true, she did this!
Now this is my home, and I am happy for NaiNai to live with us as long as she wants, but it is MY home.
I paid for it and I am the major breadwinner, so one would expect that if I needed an indulgence like this, then it was my right, right?
Well, in practice this doesn't seem to be the case. Ms B and her mother have a different view and it seems that their view is that they call all the shots at home, whether I like it or not.
Sometimes I wonder who the real husband is in this relationship, me or my mother-in-law.
She showers in luke warm water, leaves all windows open at all times and often sleeps with no blanket.
I am the exact opposite, so much so that when I shower the water is very hot and when I leave the shower I typically have the heat lamp on.
Well this heat lamp has caused a lot of ruckus in the house because it apparently wastes too much electricity, according to my mother-in-law.
My wife and her mother believe that such a device is an undulgence that no normal human should use, and just installing it was a household battle.
So anyway, last night I am in the shower and as I get out to dry myself I turn on the heat lamp. Immediately I hear a nagging voice outside the shower, complaining in Chinese. It was my motherin-law not happy that I turned on the heat lamp.
So what does she do?
She opens the shower door, slips her hand in and switches off the heat lamp. Yes its true, she did this!
Now this is my home, and I am happy for NaiNai to live with us as long as she wants, but it is MY home.
I paid for it and I am the major breadwinner, so one would expect that if I needed an indulgence like this, then it was my right, right?
Well, in practice this doesn't seem to be the case. Ms B and her mother have a different view and it seems that their view is that they call all the shots at home, whether I like it or not.
Sometimes I wonder who the real husband is in this relationship, me or my mother-in-law.
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