Saturday, February 05, 2011

We bought a new house, but…

Well, we just bought a new house.

Its actually quite big, even majestic really. It cost an absolute fortune.

I was happy where we lived, but my wife wanted opulence.

We will move in the next few months.

However my wife and I have come to an impasse.

My wife’s salary goes into a separate bank account, and despite my best efforts, its always been kept out of my reach. In fact I don’t even know how much she has saved.

We have, I say embarrassingly, been living on my income alone since we got married.

Now with the new house purchase, I have demanded that she contribute to the purchase with all her saved funds.

She has refused.

Surprisingly she has been referring to this purchase as “her new house”, and yet she expects not to contribute to it at all.

Given our troubles in the past, this is simply not on.

So I have laid down my terms to her. Either she contributes to the house with her funds, to the extent that she has saved, or I will simply borrow against the house that we have, so that the burden is shared.

I have accepted that our first house will be split equally or thereabouts should we ever separate, despite she never contributing, but I will not make that mistake again.

She has been acting very upset over this, but her expectations are remarkably unreasonable.

This is not an issue that I am prepared to compromise on. If I am to be fair to her, I also have to be just as fair to myself.


Anonymous said...

Sounds like you have a typical mainland Chinese gold digger (淘金者), you seen this pattern a million times with mainland Chinese women who marry western men. Use your resources, get you to support her family, and in the end leave you for someone else and still have the face to complain that you were not good to her.

Take it from a Chinese guy, we keep far away from these types of Chinese women and actually laugh at the foreigners who have the misfortune to be used by them.

I just dont know why western men are willing to tolerate such brazen gold digging behavior from Chinese women, when they wouldn't accept it from a woman of their own race...I guess Chinese women are pretty 厉害。

At least we Chinese, who have experience with the mercenary culture of our women, know better.
Sorry to see this happening to you, you seem like a good bloke.

Better hope your income keeps coming in, moment you hit though times, she is out. Looks like she is making preparations for when that day comes already. I suggest you hedge your bets and prepare for the worst. Once the buffalo stops giving milk, its time to move on to the next one.

Best of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

So much does not add up about your story, this all seems fictional. Also how could you be a well paid doctor but not have the smarts to be suckered by a big time shrew. Cut your loses, kick her out and find someone worthwhile, or continue your experiments in creative fictional writing on your blog.

Gary said...

I too married a Chinese lady and we experience cultural differences from time to time. We have the more usual differences too, and money can be one. However our relationship is mostly harmonious. Our Zodiac signs say we are best for marriage. What are your two birthdays? Your blog reads like opposing forces with added cultural differences. Take the Zodiac test at my blog; discover the root of your problem.

Vyara said...

What is your blog, Gary?

Anonymous said...

I have had the same experience. Basically chinese women are parasites. They will suck you dry, monetarily and psychologically, I would suggest to you to leave her, but I myself haven't found a way to get rid of this pest without shooting myself in the foot.

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Anonymous said...

Typical mainland China women gold diggers. Stay away from them. From a Chinese in the Western.

Anonymous said...

Gold digger for sure. From a Chinese man.

Anonymous said...

You seem like a really nice guy and it's a shame to see you treated so badly. My wife is Chinese, a number of my friends have married chinese girls and I've experienced most of the situtions you describe first hand. This is only the first sip, the first foretaste of a bitter cup which will be proffered year by year - are you prepared to finish it down to the very last drop? You'd better wake up and realise she has no respect for your feelings or opinions at all. She's utterly selfish and only thinks of herself. It's all about her, what she wants and what her parents want. You my friend don't fit into that anywhere. Stop being a doormat or she'll walk all over you. If she won't bend on this issue you need to walk away.

George said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
George said...

My name is George; I'm new to your blog. I also have a Chinese wife but have not experienced what you are going through. It appears there may be more than just a "Chinese" thing going on here. It's true that in China women usually handle the finances, but that would mean that she would be responsible for all payments, the mortgage included.
Even now I find so many cultural differences (some pleasant, some not so) but I find it makes life interesting. If what you write is true, it appears you may want to get some professional advice. I don’t think this falls under a “Chinese” thing.

Richelle Jelsma said...

It would seem futile if a sit-down talk doesn't help. But to be fair to you both, there is sense in what you're asking of her. And it doesn't make a difference at all if you start referring to it as your house. How about postponing until you reach a middle ground?

Anonymous said...

I cant believe all this sympathy pouring out for you by bleeding hearts posting here. Once again we're hearing only ONE side to this story...i'd like to hear the other side...

Anonymous said...

To that last anonymous post:
It is widespread knowledge that chinese born women, and even girls born from chinese parents in other parts of the world are gold diggers. I didn't believe it myself, until my bro-in-law who is vietnamese married a chinese girl, born in Australia though, her parents taught her well. This girl is very similar to Luo YuFeng, she had a conversation with me after they were married and said "she is very smart", I don't know where that came from, I certainly didn't asked her "how smart are you?". One day when we were splitting up the utility bills, she scoffed at my wife and I when I said my wife owes me $xx when we were splitting up the bills (we were both getting money from social security at that time), when I asked her back, does she pay for her part in the utility bills? she replied HELL NO, my husband pays for everything (even though she earns about $50,000 per year), including her rent share and all food, she only has to pay for her newly purchased car loan, I scoffed back and said I feel sorry for your husband. What a bloody gold digger, no wonder she said she is "smart", she manage to find a gullible person stupid enough to pay for her cheap a$$, even though she has her own salary as well. I agree that a man should pay for a woman if she is receiving no money whatsover, but if she earns money, then she should contribute without waiting for the husband to ask. It makes for a healthy relationship, not a selfish one.

Anonymous said...

Writer of this blog, stop posting "anonymous" comments to respond to other people and to yourself.

Genny Stutesman said...

I'm sure you got over this through a good conversation… Good communication is the key to a good married life. Did you ever ask her before why she kept on doing that? She probably had reasons.

Anonymous said...

she saves her own money and uses yours means soon she will leave you. chinese gold digging women will suck you dry and leave for another sucker when they see you with any signs of financial distress. they will not help you, that's what they were taught by their parents. when she leaves you she will also claim 50% of your family assets which include the new house solely paid for by you.
Source: i am a chinese and my parents told me when buying a new house, list the house proprietor as your parents, that way when a gold digger divorces you (which is highly likely) she will be unable to claim the biggest family asset. And if the gold digger tells you to change the property ownership, that's when you know if she's a real gold digger or not

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