Saturday, April 17, 2010

We have been arguing lately

My wife and I have been having a number of arguments lately.

It all began when we started looking for a new house. We have outgrown our current residence, and with our boy getting to an age when he is always running around, we decided it was time to find a house with a big backyard.

Well all well and good, and given my income, we may not even need to sell the home we currently live in.

Well that's where our problems begin.

You see our current home was bought and paid off by me before I met my wife. She on the other hand had no real assets to speak of when we married.

This means that our house is technically owned by me, although this would make little difference if we were to get divorced. In that case of course the house will be divided between my wife and I, according to other factors, like the welfare of our child.

However this still bothers my wife. She is annoyed that our current house is only under my name, but as an accountant she is fully aware that to transfer the deed into both our names would be an exercise in wasting money, as the stamp duty incurred would run into the tens of thousands.

So my wife, in order to "balance the arangement", as she puts it, wants to purchase the new house in her name only.

I find this a remarkably bizarre request, and I have tried to ask her to explain how this will benefit us. She keeps saying its fair this way, but this really is not a reasonable explanation to me. It simply does not make any sense.

Anyway, while we were viewing a property last weekend, my wife starting complaining to the real estate agent that I was not willing to "buy" her a new house. This confused the real estate agent because he thought we were looking at the property precisely for that reason.

I tried to explain to the real estate agent what my wife actually meant, and he simply said "oh!", nodded his head, and continued showing us the property.

On the way home however, my wife kept on repeating that the real estate agent said "ohhhhhhhhhh!", indicating that he was embarassed that I was not buying her the property in her name.

It seems to me that she was convinced that the real estate agent sympathised with her complaint, where in truth he didn't care one way or the other, as long as he got a sale.

So he we are, locked in dispute, over a pointless little detail. Part of me says to simply give my wife what she wants, but something else in the back of my mind is nagging at me. I keep asking myself why she wants his and her property, when we are married.

I don't know. It simply doesn't make sense.


magnus said...

you guys are in a better situation that we are. We don't have a house and since my credit is non existent we can't buy a house in the states. At least you guys have a house. But you are right, buying it in her name only, to be fair, is bizarre.

dr_luv said...


Chinese wife's are material, good homemaker, very well manage in finance. At times, they can be very materialistic whereby money comes first.

In your case, your wife simply trying to protect her if incase you divorce her, she has a property. She is trying to protect her.

Sometimes its depending on her circle of her friends. If they are doing the same time, they will ensure your wife also perform the same way.

In my solution, buy the new property under both name. The older home, just leave it at your care (protecting urself). The new house will be a family nest. So purchase under both of your name.

Hope this helps. Arguing with wife is Lose & Lose situation not a Win & Lose situation.

By applying a joint name in new purchase is Win & Win situation.


SF Kid said...

I am a RE agent in USA and I'm sure you are right that the agent wasn't taking sides. That would be no benefit to him.
I am in California and your laws may be different, but if you owned the house before marriage, it is your separate property. The new one would be joint no matter whose name it is in. However, your law could be completely different.
Beyond that, her demand sounds incredibly demanding and greedy. But, that's just me...

taaleem said...

Yes, don't give into her demands, they do not make sense.

gleenn said...


I hope this comment finds you and your family well. I'd like you to know that I've been following your blog for a while now since the day I started planning for a website that deals the issues of mixed and interfaith marriages.

I have not visited your blog for months. I came to read expecting progress of your marriage and it distress me to find that your marriage is actually in trouble. [As you can see, I read your posts from the most recent all the way down here of your archives]

These are just some of my thoughts.

1. If your wife is really having an affair, what do you think is the reason the prompts her to? A happy and satisfied partner will not look out from marriage. Unless one is wired to cheat.

2. Do you and your wife developed an open communication? I can sense through your posts that you don't. In order for a marriage to work out, this is essential.

3. Regarding this weird request of your wife to put the new house in her name, it clearly shows of a hidden agenda. Before you both decided to buy a new house, is there already a marital problem in the air? Because if there is, then your wife must have a feeling that your union isn't gonna last. The use of the word "fair" is an indication. In marriage, it's not suppose to be "me or you", there's just suppose to be "us."

I really pray to God that your marriage will work out. :)

Anonymous said...

I am Chinese from SE Asia and to be honest, I found your wife's antics to be a bit bizarre. She sounds very materialistic to me. My husband is Australian of Caucasian background and to be honest, we do not have as much issues as you have with her or her with you. Good luck with your marriage, but I have got a feeling that you married a gold digger...

What do you like/dislike most about Chinese women?