Sunday, May 02, 2010

The mobile phone and the private messages

Well, the rational part of me keeps telling me that I am just being silly.

I have always been someone who doesn't jump to conclusions, who always believes that there is a sensible explanation for most things, and who is not possessive or jealous.

And I have been married for ten years with no concerns about infidelity.

However my wife and I have been having some real issues of late.

Now all marriages have ups and downs, but this issue feels a little more serious than most.

My wife seems genuinely disinterested in me and how I feel, and her values, as I recently realised, seem to be polar opposites to mine.

When did these differences develop? I simply didn't see it coming.

What has really concerned me of late has been her frequent text messaging and mobile phone use.

She has never been big on text messaging, but all of a sudden she seems to be glued to her mobile phone. She also never leaves the phone unattended, even when she showers, almost as if she is afraid of someone reading the text messages.

She also seems to get many more phone calls these days. Most of them seem to be from her Chinese friends, as she speaks to them in Chinese. I get the feeling that she is talking to them about me, because of her facial expressions. I don't know Chinese but I can pick up some words which makes it sound as if she is telling them something in Chinese, because she doesn't want me to understand.

This language thing has really become a huge anchor around my neck, as I am disadvantaged in so many areas.

However when the phone call is from a non-Chinese English speaker, she leaves the room and talks to whoever it is in our bedroom.

On the occasion when I ask who it was on the phone, she would reply saying, "its no one, just a friend."

This is simply not an upfront response, and if it were me she would not have accepted it, but I said nothing in response.

I probably should not have, but last night I was alone at home for a few hours. So I decided to look at her most recent mobile phone bills.

Now she is really careful about her mobile phone usage, as she is sensitive about the costs involved.

She typically refuses to make calls on her mobile, and when possible she uses her work phone instead. So her mobile phone bills have always been inside the monthly cap.

Her most recent bill however, to my serious surprise, is $120 over the cap. This is a huge amount, especially for her.

Her usage for the month before last comprised primarily of phone calls (and text messages) to two phone numbers, one mobile number and one landline number. It looks like she has called those numbers up to 20 times on some days.

But should I be looking at her phone statement? I don't know what I am doing? Am I snooping? Am I stalking? I feel so terrible about this but I can't seem to control myself.

My mind tells me that she could not possibly sacrifice everything we have, but I just have a bad feeling.

I just don't know what to do. Even at work today I have been distracted. I can think of nothing else.

This not knowing is the worst part.

I get the feeling that everyone is in on it, except for me. If she has done something, I know that she would not have done it without her mother's agreement.

This is not good.

Either I am remarkably foolish and paranoid, or something simply isn't right.


dr_xluv said...


If i were in your situation, I will check the bill statements without her knowing that you are checking cause your wife finds out than it will a another issue to solve.

If you are unhappy and unable to work, feeling upset, just do "secret" investigation. If its nothing than you are can rest in peace but if you find your wife is cheating on you than may god bless you cause its your call on dealing the issue.

Whether your wife is cheating on you? You should see the signs much early. Sex rejection?, Is she feeling guilty always?

Or she must be arranging a big secret party for you. Just wait and see the situation and if it get of your hand than do some investigation. No harm. But do in way no one could suspect anything.

This is for your accord and guts feeling.

Let's me know how is the outcome.

SF Kid said...

I hope you have some answers by now. You can't live and work w/o communicating about your concerns - both about the expenses and about her call patterns. You either need to know there is an innocent explanation or that you have a serious problem that needs fixing.
Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Dear Sir- I enjoyed reading through your blog. As a westerner who speaks Mandarin and has worked in mainland china for years, I've had more than enough experience with Chinese women, from HK to Beijing.

I must inform you, that based on your writings, it does not look good. Seems your wife is just using you for a comfortable life for her and her mother. Many mainland Chinese do that -- they are very practical and relationships/marriage in mainland china is a economic event. The writing is on the wall, she becomes affectionate when your career progresses well and gain's her status/face, she wants a high status car to keep up with friends, etc. Might not end as bad a Don and Leung that you write about, but having a woman sticking it out with you in a passionless marriage just so you can play the role of the provider is no of luck to you.

Anonymous said...

free por [url=]free handsjob fat women[/url]

Anonymous said...

dating women in summerville sc taggs online dating

Anonymous said...

Hi all
I'm Mary, 24 years old :)
I am looking for good man. If he exists...
I'm love sport and... Hope you understand

[img][/img] is very interesting forum for me, so I think we have the same hobbies
So lets chat...
My e-mail is, Skype *
Send me your foto!

Added later:

This photography is corrupted, sorry!

Oh, and all my photos here:

Anonymous said...

the prana program ebook madeleine l'engle time quartet ebook [url=]a thousand acres ebook[/url] the one hour orgasm torrent ebook

Anonymous said...

roy foster modern ireland ebook pdf host integrity monitoring osiris ebook [url=]ebook ray bradbury[/url] website for ebook download

Anonymous said...

oregon software companies list tefal software [url=]math and music software[/url] genogram software program
[url=]Microsoft Windows 7 Home Premium x64 French - Software Store[/url] best cd and dvd burning software

Anonymous said...

sky astronomy software blackberry xtube viewing software [url=]computer aided transcription software ratings[/url] small ebusiness free quickbooks accounting software
[url=]Other - Download OEM, Software Sale, OEM Software[/url] blogging software top open source

Anonymous said...

service management software pda accounting plumbing small business software [url=]computer ease construction software[/url] accounting software with timesheet records
[url=]Ofertas especiales - Download OEM, Software Sale, OEM Software[/url] windows best anti spy software freeware

Anonymous said...

shopko pharmacy stevens point wisconsin wsu requirements pharmacy technician [url=]john diem pharmacy[/url]
pharmacy technician costco rx plus pharmacy [url=]actonel[/url]
florida pharmacy laws 2007 pharmacy tech educational requirements [url=]quick review of pharmacy[/url]
kamagra online pharmacy pharmacy authorized access definition [url=]zyloprim[/url]

Anonymous said...

upjohn pharmacy pharmacy promotion [url=]pharmacy guild of australia joint submission pharmacy[/url]
online pharmacy tussionex pharmacy paroxetine [url=]tetracycline[/url]
pharmacy suppliers in tennessee kroger pharmacy 23111 [url=]dr reddy27s finasteride pharmacy[/url]
westlake pharmacy what is a pharmacy technician [url=]erection packs[/url]

Anonymous said...

pharmacy jar antique blomberg pharmacy [url=]pharmacy norway[/url]
pharmacy detroit refills pharmacy order doctor consult show site fda [url=]aceon[/url]
seattle pharmacy convention calendar susquehanna health pharmacy williamsport pa [url=]kuwait pharmacy[/url]
riteaid pharmacy taunton ma ferris state university pharmacy program [url=]clozaril[/url]

Anonymous said...

xbox streaming software packet radio software linux [url=]adjust sound level software[/url] panasonic dvd diga palmcorder vdr-m53 software
[url=]EaseUS Partition Master 9.0 Pro Edition - Software Store[/url] smart scan software

Anonymous said...

free secure jewish dating real world brooklyn whos dating
dating advice for 40 s [url=]free lesiban dating sites[/url] married women dating in cleveland ohio
dating agency sydney yvonne allan [url=]mature women lesbian dating browse free[/url] find tameika greene dating profile [url=]shabir[/url] online dating sites for teens

What do you like/dislike most about Chinese women?