Sunday, June 20, 2010

Last night while she was in the shower...

I have been struggling with this emotional distress now for quite some time, and what seems to be bothering me the most is the "not knowing" bit.

Its a terrible way to live ones life.

For the most part I just pretend everything is normal, but this uncertainty is just eating away at me.

Part of me oddly prefers the anguish of not-knowing, for fear of what I may find out if I look further. By living in the dark there is still hope that it is all in my head, right?

But last night my wife went into the shower and unually for her, she left her mobile phone on the bedside table.

And well, after so much effort to simply ignore this issue or somehow convince myself that it is just my imagination, it just got too much for me, so I picked up her mobile phone and decided to look at some of her records.

I went straight to the SMS section, and found an unfamiliar number from someone who SMS'd her about a week earlier.

I jotted the number down, and then read the text message.

This is what it said:

"Called U back later in day. Sorry to miss UR call. Will not be at work tomorrow."

...and then I read the previous text message from my wife, prompting this response. The text read:

"Tried to call you 5 times. Are you avoiding me? Have a lot to tell you"

This is all I was willing to read. I put the phone right down. My heart was racing and I was in a cold sweat. It may or may not mean anything, but it is not the all-clear I was hoping for. In fact I imediately took it for something worse than it really is, at least so far. I think I imagined some words that I had to keep checking on the paper to ensure they won't there. It seems my mind is playing tricks on me.

Anyway, I in fact don't know whose number this is, and for all I know it could be one of her girlfriends.

I guess I will have to read more next chance I get.


dr_luv said...


good, you have the numbers. get a woman friend to help you. use a payphone and call the number start asking some wrong number conversation. You can call but change ur voice. Best to get a woman to call the numbers.


Anonymous said...

Just f*cking ask her. Maybe call the number first from a payphone or something to find out if it is a guy though.

Computer Genie said...

If you don't want to know, then don't ask. On the other hand, be aware, you could destroy the relationship yourself, by NOT asking. And then find out, it was all quite innocent, but, damn, too late. Sort it out NOW, or stop bleating. Be a man! Be honest! Just lay out your concerns on the table and ask for an explanation. Simple. If she still loves you, she'll be happy you were concerned. If not, well you've saved yourself months of paranoia. Good luck, and been there.

Anonymous said...

Yes, please ask her... in a nice way. Guessing will do no good in any relationship.
I'd like to tell you one thing though. Not all the Chinese are like your wife. If she is like what you describe, will she stay with you for the rest of her life by not getting another man with a better " title"?
Good luck!

Anonymous said...

Let me be frank - I feel the strong urge to deeply insult you. You may wonder why ?

the title of your blog: what does your personal experience have to do with interracial marriages ??

the photo: who would post a photo of his wife and himself of the internet ?? don't you have any sense for intimacy ?

the capture: 'me and my Chinese wife'. Good education would suggest 'my Chinese wife and me', placing yourself second. Good character would not allow you to label your wife Chinese. After all she is your wife, that matters, not her ethnic background.
Finally, your wife has a name.
Thus a proper capture would be:
"My wife Rose and me" assuming the reader knows your name.

We all know now that you are a Neurologist. So what. Stop aggrandizing yourself.

You are a conservative protestant ??? Maybe you should study the scripture every now and then.
There is an essential difference between a believer and a non-believer. This difference is absolute. You cannot overcome it unless your wife converts into the likeness of Christ.
At least you might do an effort to understand the spiritual foundations of your wife.

Your begging for love suggests that you have not made any effort to understand the Chinese outlook on marriage. Who cares if your wife is materialistic. As long as she functions as a wife you should be happy.
Your craving for emotional recognition is not ok. Who can respect you like that ?

The entire blog: as a Christian you cannot post such an intimate blog with good conscience. Do you pray ? Do you have a spiritual counselor ?

What if your wife reads this blog ?
Are you not ashamed ?

Please consider:
Delete this blog

For your actual problem:
this has nothing to do with jealousy.
If you have a founded concern about the future of your marriage then you have to address it.
I am not Chinese but maybe you should get mother in law involved, as a divorce would impact her life as well.

SF Kid said...

Following up on Anonymous above, is this blog even real? I find it hard to believe an educated person would write this way and post this stuff and NOT act to protect his own interests in his marriage. Even if you are not one to ask your own wife questions about her relationships that you suspect, all the advice here has encouraged you to do that and you've ignored it. You're not into helping yourself so you may deserve whatever is coming your way.

Anonymous said...

Even if it isn't real, it's truthful, in that it is similar to a relationship I had. There are problems with dating someone from a different culture, just like if an old rich Western guy dated a young blond girl. Both are in it for superficial reasons. The anglo guy thinks the girl is sexy and easy to control and respectable. The asian girl thinks she is getting someone of high status. But reality sinks in. Asian girl is irrational and bossy. Asian girl realises she can do better. bye bye relationship. Good warning for others.

If it is real good luck. U still got a great kid and job.

Anonymous said...

Been reading the updates of this blog for a few weeks and have been thinking from the beginning to call this out for a troll or somebodies efforts in creative writing. There are quite a few points that don't add up. Somebody who professes to be a neurologist and addictions, drug counselor, but doesn't have the ability to articulate ideas about a range of topics mentioned, homosexuality, religion, superstition, with his wife.
Also, I have never met a neurologist and psych counselor who would confess to being a conservative Protestant practicing Christian. How could you reach such a level of educated knowledge and still believe in that crap??

dr_luv said...

I wanted to say this but was reluctant. This post tells me you are making us fool and taking a ride. Anyway, if the post is has a truth, than pls help your marriage. But if you are taking us for a ride, than I am sorry to say, we are just a foool bunch of cyber friends willing to give our shoulders.

Take care bro.


Anonymous said...

Sorry to read such negative psychoanalytical comments about your honest blog.

Your blog is very helpful in opening mens' eyes.

Women share all manner of emotional detail with friends. Men do not, generally. Your blog is found by others in a similar situation, and it helps.

There are a lot of inadequate men about, who are jealous of those who do well, as well as women who don't like the beans to be spilt openly like this.

Your wife's contact at work may be simply someone she talks to closely that if the contact is female, but if it is a guy she calls 5 times a day, I would would check further. As you know, guys rarely talk to strange women 5 times a day for nothing.

When suspicious, first ask, but in these situations you may not get an honest answer. After all, if something is being hidden then it has already been lied about. So after asking and given reasonable time, if something is still not feeling right, buy her a new phone for her birthday, that just happens to use Symbian (e.g. a Nokia), and get Flexispy (Google it, or at - I have nothing to do with that company by the way).

Puts you mind at ease, then either delete Flexispy if all is fine or divorce if it is not. This saves you being scammed heavily if she accumulates assets then goes off with someone later.

Just when you said her phone is always with her, it made me remember a behaviour pattern ...

What do you like/dislike most about Chinese women?