Thursday, July 22, 2010

Response to some questions

I am grateful to the feedback I have been getting, both from males and females.

It gives me an opportunity to reconsider my own thinking, being fully aware how humans can get things so wrong sometimes.

I am also a very insular kind of guy, so I have no one to talk to about these things. In my world, men unfortunately just don't talk about these things.

(1) Regarding one suggestion to talk to NaiNai, well in some regards there is a lot of merit in this, as she yields enormous influence over her daughter. NaiNai is also very strict with her daughter and I believe would not approve of her daughter risking their current "status" over something as short lived as a fling, for instance.

Of course one problem is that they are mother and daughter, and NaiNai comes from a completely different world to me, so I really don't know how to approach it, were I to try and speak to her.

Secondly, I fear that she will also be dismissive of what I may say, which will mean that I will lose "face" in front of NaiNai, further diminishing any respect she may have for me.

Finally and most importantly, NaiNai only knows two words in English, "Sankiou", for Thank you, and Bye-Bye.

So any talk with NaiNai would need to involve a third party to interpret, and this just makes it too complicated and too risky.

(2) Regarding the suggestion of requesting relationship counselling, well this is of course a great idea, because bouncing your concerns through a neutral intermediary makes communication of sensitive issues all the more effective.

Now I actually suggested this to my wife when we spoke, and although she originally indicated an open mind on this, for some reason she quickly decided that it was "just silly!". I got no further explanation as to why it was silly, despite my repeated efforts.

(3) And finally, I am not sure if I mentioned this, but my wife spoke to James, the lawyer, because she claims she became afraid when she read an article in the newspaper about Australia's Shared Parenting laws.

These laws place an emphasis on separated parents having joint custody of a child, rather than the typical situation where the mother gets sole custody.

I asked my wife how these laws affect us given that we are not separated, but she did not explain herself well. She just kept on saying that as a mother she was concerned because of many newspaper articles claimed that mothers were forced to shared their children with the father, and she wanted to know more.

This was a digression from the issue, but I asked whether this meant that she believes we will be separating soon, and her response again was that I was just being silly.

So anyway, some truth from her but it just doesn't gel together.

It is actually quite draining when someone simply can't give a straight answer, and I have decided that rather than get into an argument, that if she resists answering then I should just leave it be for now, as I am sure more details will reveal themselves soon enough.

So I will try and answer some more questions soon, and I will try and explain why I don't think she was involved in a physical relationship with anyone. But this doesn't really lessen the issue for me, but it is a process of paling away the layers and seeing what's left.


Anonymous said...

Hi, I think you have talent to be a great writer. I'm quite confident all is just a fake but pls continue writing

Anonymous said...

Hire a chinese woman to pretend to be your wife. The actor goes to the IT department and says that her hotmail account was hacked so she nolonger has access her emails, but they contain important information for a legal matter she was consulting James about. Maybe ask a real lawyer for a convincing story, something about due diligence.

(Surely you don't need 98 emails for a simple legal matter? Bet there is something incriminating in them.)

Or, hire a private detective and see what he can find. eg. follow James.

Or, leave nanny cams in the apartment.

Or, grow some balls. Start making some reasonable demands from your lying irrational wife such as seeing a marriage counselor. She knows that if there is a third party who can see through her lies and back you up, she won't be able to pull the wool over your eyes.

Steve from Winnipeg said...

I don't understand why people keep saying this is fake.

Anonymous said...

to Steve,
No problem. There are details that makes one to think, like for instance his wife's mother can't be NaiNai, she'll be rather LaoLao, or?

Steve from Winnipeg said...

She's Nainai for the benefit of the author's son, as she is his grandmother.

Anonymous said...

I see, she's his Grandmother because she's the mother of her daughter... then she can only be LaoLao, never NaiNai.

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What do you like/dislike most about Chinese women?